The history of my weight

It occurred to me that it might be instructive to look at my past - when I've lost and gained weight and under what circumstances.

The first time I remember my weight was when I was 4 and I first broke 50 pounds. Looking back now I realize that's heavier than most 4 year olds, but I wasn't overweight until I was 9 or so - I was just tall as a kid.

In 6th grade, at 5'1", I weighed 120. Didn't think one way or another about it.
In 7th grade, at 5'3", I weighed 150. Still didn't think much.
In December of 8th grade, at my current height of 5'5", I weighed 165. This is when I started to think "shouldn't I STOP growing at some point?" I don't remember how the conversation got started, but talking with my parents confirmed that I should probably lose some weight. We set a tentative goal weight of 135 pounds.

The first time was so simple. I started going for a walk with my friend after school each day, and lost 15 pounds in a few months (to 150). After that I stopped losing and, since I hadn't hit my goal weight, was rather unsatisfied - but really, who over 20 wouldn't be ecstatic at those results for so little effort?

The following summer I started doing Bikram yoga. I gained 5 pounds (to 155) fairly quickly after starting and the instructors said it was probably muscle. I believe that, but the fat loss they promised never happened. During the next 2 years, I mostly hovered between 155 and 165, generally drifting upward. At the end of my freshman year of high school, I got very sick. My mouth hurt, and I ate only scraps of green tea ice cream for most of my illness, losing 10 pounds in 9 days. My low after that was 149, which of course was transient. Upon quitting yoga at the beginning of my junior year, my weight was 165.

My parents got a scale that Christmas and once it was opened we all stepped on it. I was shocked to discover my weight was now 180. That sparked my second attempt at losing weight, with another simple device: I used small dishes. I lost 15 pounds again, then very slowly eked out another 5, but I couldn't push it much further, crept back up to 165, and stabilized there for the rest of high school.

My first term of college, I rented a room and bought my own food. After coming home toward the end of this term I found I had lost 10 pounds (to 155) without trying. However, the second term I moved into dorms and that ruined it all. It was impossible to eat well, because healthy things and reasonable portions were overpriced. I was 170-175 by the end of the year. I lived alone, in charge of my own food again, over the summer, and lost a little, finding myself between 165-170.

Then I transferred to a better school and lived in dorms again. This time the problem wasn't their system; the system was actually great. Instead it was the more fundamental aspects of dorm food that caught up to me: I didn't make my own food, so I didn't have to pay as much attention to it, and there were desserts, if not encouraged, then still remarkably available. I also encountered what you might call stress-eating, although it didn't take the stuffing-down-emotions form that I usually read about. Instead it was "oh my gosh I am so depleted but I still have to write another paper so for energy I'll get a (at least 300 calorie) brownie and coffee." And since my time supported so many demands, my exercise kinda dropped out of my lifestyle.

By the end of the year I may have been even 185, but I never was around scales so I don't really know. About a month later was when I started this blog.

What I take from this:

- Being in charge of my own food helps, it might not get me to my ideal weight without effort but it really helps.
- Dorms are EVIL.
- I'll have to make an appointment with the counseling center to talk about maintaining good health habits when there's so much else I have to do, before school starts again.
- My current approach is way more hardcore than the approaches I took before, so there's a good chance I can use it to break through the 15-pounds-down barrier (and it better, 'cause there are two of them this time).
- I keep coming back to 165, from either direction. I refuse to believe my body is healthiest at that weight, since it's smack in the middle of the "overweight" BMI range, but maybe I should talk to a health professional and ask why it might be.