I get high on eating less

I could have titled this "I get high on dieting," but that would be slightly disingenuous because I don't consider what I'm doing dieting. Incidentally, when I a senior in high school and had never done anything close to a diet, I wrote in a list of 100 things to do before I die (assigned for a class, don't ask) that I'd like to follow a series of ridiculous diets, like "foods that start with vowels." I still think it would be fun to try silly diets just for the sake of trying them and being silly, but that's not what I'm talking about. I could also have titled it "I get high on restricting," but "restricting" is always the medical term used to describe what anorexics do, and I'm pretty sure a girl with a BMI of 22 who regularly eats 1800 calories a day is far from anorexic.

Nevertheless, I notice that after a week or two of undereating consistently, if not by a lot, it gets easier, and not because I'm getting used to something, but because my physiological reactions are changing. I feel a little giddy; I feel like I'm balancing on the edge of something, feeling, in fact, AMAZING as I push an interval between meals to 4 or 5 hours, but knowing I have to end it and put something in my mouth before I crash and get cranky, at which point it wouldn't taste that good anyway. I love going to the point where I'm starting to feel light and hungry, then going for a run, feeling airy, empty of matter but full of energy, flooding with adrenaline and then flooding with endorphins when I get home, take a shower, and finally eat lunch.

This works better in the summer. I don't know why, but something about either the stress of school or just my brain draining glucose too fast makes it so I don't get that far. By the time I'm hungry, I'm also tired, and I really want to just eat some damn food and get onto the next thing.

I hope this does not mean I have to always be undereating to feel amazing, or that I have to always be keeping track of what I eat to feel amazing. I hope that at some weight, it all comes together to maintain weight and feel great and be mentally sustainable all at the same time.