I went to the store to get some new pants yesterday. All the pants I used to wear are too big, and the size 8's I'm in now still fit fine, but are getting relaxed enough that I thought I might be able to fit into 8 jeans as well (I've noticed size X jeans are always tighter than size X other kinds of pants). I haven't worn jeans in a long time because the last jeans I had were 10s, which I wore for a while and then gained 20 pounds in, weakening a number of spots significantly, and once jeans spring a leak you can patch them over and over but it's hard to, for instance, climb trees without re-busting the stitches. I also thought I might get a new shirt since most of my shirts are getting loose and I'd really like to have a cute outfit.
The punch line of the story is I'm wearing 6P jeans right now and it's totally bullshit.
It's bullshit because my 8 pants are just loosening up, and because the 8-med of the other brand of jeans I tried was a bit tight. The 8-med of this brand fit great, but such that they'd loosen up too soon with a few more pounds. The 6P is snug, but by no means uncomfortable. More bullshit? There was a pair of 4-med Dockers that fit okay. I don't believe for an instant that I'm anywhere near a 4. It's hard to believe that 5 pounds ago the 8s started fitting but I could be approaching a 6 now, I mean come on, a size is at least 10 pounds. But most of all, it's bullshit that I'm in a "petite" size. My best-fitting jeans before were also "petites" in size 10. I know petite people, and they are like five feet tall, maybe five-two. I'm 5'5", one inch taller than the average U.S. woman. I'm not fuckin' petite. What do truly short women wear, when even for me regular jeans either sit too high or the hems drag in the mud?
Anyway, it's bullshit, but I'm still pretty happy to be wearing a 6. I also bought a purple long-sleeved shirt (I like purple, but my purple T-shirt wore out even before I gained all my weight) and a new bra, which is a 34/M in "barelythere" sizing. It's super comfy.
I also kinda decided to start taking care of my appearance more in general. I've been really busy with school, y'know, and I haven't had much of a social life, so having this break and seeing one of my old friends from high school has made me realize how I'm not just stressed, but also kind of neglecting my sense of self. That's not just in appearance obviously, but paying attention to my appearance I think forces me to pay attention to my self-concept more, and it's one method of modulating confidence. It's hard to care about your appearance when you don't HAVE cute clothes that fit, but having these new clothes makes me feel like I really can try to dress nice and look, for now just put-together, but later genuinely slim. I have been washing my hair with usually just soap for about 2 years, and while I was getting clothes I also got some Burt's Bees avocado butter and treated my hair with it last night. Then I washed it with the shampoo and conditioner that I will be bringing to the gym, which is where I take most of my showers lately. It's so much lighter, dare I say glossier, but mostly, it lies flat since last night. And my hair's getting long enough that I actually need to brush it sometimes. Hopefully this week I will get back in touch with wearing cute clothes, brushing my hair, keeping it pretty, maybe even wear a little makeup (nevermind that my boyfriend doesn't like it).
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