Today we went on a day trip and I had my boyfriend take a picture of me at one point. It looked terrible. I deleted the picture and reminded myself that I've lost almost 15 pounds which is awesome, and so it's still much better than it could be, right?
Yet, in some ways, it seems like being 15 pounds fatter WAS easier. Oh, of course it wasn't better, I was getting some physical and lots of anxious health symptoms because of it. But just in terms of my appearance - at least there's kind of a niche for fat girls. At 185 I was starting to think of myself as a fat girl and while it wasn't my top choice of how to be, there was a certain kind of comfort in it. Now I'm not really fat anymore, but I'm certainly not not-fat. I'm in the awkward middle zone where I just sort of look swollen sometimes.
'Course, I could never really get comfortable with being a fat girl anyway because I don't have an excuse. I'd stand out. My boyfriend's super lean, my mom's slim, my dad's slim, my stepdad is big and tall but quite fit and always concerned about us kids getting enough exercise. I'd be the only fat one, nobody to validate it, you know? But that's probably a good thing.
I think it'll take about another 10 pounds before this starts to turn around again and get comfortable from the thin side.
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