Reflections on all week

This has not been the best week. After the 4th I just felt rather out of sorts. I didn't end up getting new running shoes on Monday because the store didn't have my size in the style I wanted, and by that time I was so frustrated with shoe shopping, the post-holiday bus schedule and generally depleted that I went straight home and did not run. I did however make it up later with 30 minutes of aerobic dancing to music and ordered new shoes online. I can get last year's version of the shoes online for half price anyway.

I'd felt depleted in the afternoon Monday, but it was worse on Tuesday. Luckily I got a strength workout in before it really hit. Wednesday morning I decided there was something WRONG with being this tired after two cups of coffee. My boyfriend thinks it's at least partly occupational burnout, but I decided to target the fact that it was the end of my period and I'd eaten 1590 and 1665 calories the previous two days. I ate a good amount (1845 calories) on Wednesday, had iron-rich spanakopita for dinner, took a multivitamin and did not exercise at all, instead going home and straight to bed.

I feel better now, and when I thought about it my "booster" day also wasn't very well executed. I didn't exercise, and when I go back to look at it, all my extra calories came from alcohol. I only ate about 1800 calories in actual food. I should increase real food to make my system want to burn real food.

I don't imagine anybody care that much about my exact food list for each day, so I won't post it, but I have it written. I will however address yesterday because I went to another summer barbeque:

Apple cinnamon oatmeal and yogurt with jam and honey (100+50+70+25+30=275)
Half an apple, cherries, and a boiled egg (50+50+70=170)
Cheese, tomato, and hummus pita sandwiches (160+2*100+100+25=485)
2 squares dark chocolate and 1 tbsp peanut butter (105+100=205)
Barbeque (860)
1 glass lemonade (120)
Boca burger on a half bun with mustard and cheese (140+100+10+90=340)
Fruit (50)
Veggie pasta salad (100)
Klondike bar (250)

275+170+485+205=1995

This falls into what I'm inclined to start thinking of as my "error zone." The zone where, no, if things had gone according to perfect planning my calorie count would be considerably lower, but I'm still a bit under maintenance (roughly 2100 according to various internet calculators).

There were three failures to mention, in descending order of seriousness: first, I poured myself undiluted lemonade for my first drink. There just didn't happen to be water out at the time and we'd gone to the roof already, so I just went with what was there, which was too sugary even by taste! Second, I underestimated how many calories I should to allow for the event, which was at the end of the day. Third, and this is entirely not my fault, I didn't know there would be Klondike bars.

However, my successes were: I only poured myself 8 oz of lemonade even though the glass was 16 oz, only had one glass, and I took an opportunity to get some water on the table later. I left alone the fruit salad in favor of grilled pineapple and a smidge of pasta salad, and declined the top half of a bun to make caloric room for cheese. I did not have any brownie bites.

But why did I eat a 250 calorie Klondike bar instead of a 70 calorie brownie bite? Simply put, because Klondike bars are amazing. Ice creamy goodness beats a brownie every time (unless it's a "special" brownie and even then I dunno), plus it was almost 100 F yesterday. As LessJess puts it, "some calories are just worth it." The lemonade was not worth it (frown), but the ice cream was.

I also got in a strength workout at lunch.

Lastly, while I was sacrificing fruit salad, brownies, and top buns and feeling self-consciously picky and obviously-on-a-diet except that nobody else cares - it made me notice the bodies of other women there. I tried to just see the real shapes and volumes, and it was interesting. There's a girl who, by the standards I apply to my own body, is a bit of a fat girl - she's similar to me around the limbs and even a little squishier around the middle. But I had never thought of her as heavy, she always looked normal to me. Then there's another one who did look big right off the bat, yet she's really only a little bigger than the first one. Why? I think it might have something to do with narrow features and straight hair that make the bodily curves seem more out of place. Girl number 3 is long and lean, she kinda looks athletic but might just be tall. My supervisor, I was surprised to see, is shaped a lot like me, and I always thought of her as a sprightly and trim person, but then again she is 13 years older than me. Finally, the last girl there is what I want to be. She's about my height and my proportions, but slim. My body could look like hers after I lose these 40 pounds. The first girl makes me feel better about how I look from the outside but the last one is my inspiration.