To tell you that I'm steady at 174 again. Here's to hoping I come back at 173 or 172 on Saturday.
I'm glad I will still be counting calories, but it'll be weird not to enter them in my spreadsheet, see the average-so-far change and update my weight graph!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Upcoming hiatus...
... but first the balance for today:
2 bowls cereal (2*100+2*80=360)
Peanuts and honey (160+60=220)
Rice and beans with cheese and tomato (200+200+100+50=550)
Crackers and string cheese (130+60=190)
Salad with vinaigrette, miso soup with tofu, and homemade bread ([50+50]+[50+40+70]+180=440)
360+220+550+190+440=1760
Next time I will not put honey in the peanuts, because it didn't really add much, and I'll skip the second bowl of cereal or replace it with a different kind of food, because it didn't keep me full any longer than just one. I went to the gym and spent 17 minutes on the treadmill for 1.47 miles.
So I'm going camping tomorrow and thus will not have access to internet or a scale until Friday afternoon. I will keep writing down what I eat and estimating the calories on paper. I won't have weight data for Thursday or Friday mornings and I won't get any formal exercise tomorrow or Thursday. Apart from that I'll just post the backlogged data when I return and then back to normal.
--
Scarlet: I love vegan meats, although I ate meat alternatives before I ate real meat. I have had soy cheese that tastes like singles, and that's the top of the category - but it only works when you want something that tastes like singles. I'll probably never give up cheese entirely, but I'm too carbon-conscious not to reduce my dairy some.
2 bowls cereal (2*100+2*80=360)
Peanuts and honey (160+60=220)
Rice and beans with cheese and tomato (200+200+100+50=550)
Crackers and string cheese (130+60=190)
Salad with vinaigrette, miso soup with tofu, and homemade bread ([50+50]+[50+40+70]+180=440)
360+220+550+190+440=1760
Next time I will not put honey in the peanuts, because it didn't really add much, and I'll skip the second bowl of cereal or replace it with a different kind of food, because it didn't keep me full any longer than just one. I went to the gym and spent 17 minutes on the treadmill for 1.47 miles.
So I'm going camping tomorrow and thus will not have access to internet or a scale until Friday afternoon. I will keep writing down what I eat and estimating the calories on paper. I won't have weight data for Thursday or Friday mornings and I won't get any formal exercise tomorrow or Thursday. Apart from that I'll just post the backlogged data when I return and then back to normal.
--
Scarlet: I love vegan meats, although I ate meat alternatives before I ate real meat. I have had soy cheese that tastes like singles, and that's the top of the category - but it only works when you want something that tastes like singles. I'll probably never give up cheese entirely, but I'm too carbon-conscious not to reduce my dairy some.
Yeah baby keep it going strong
Weighed in at 174 again, yay! For yesterday:
Cereal, yogurt, and espresso (100+160+140=400)
Apple (100)
Sandwich (2*100+100+50=350)
Soaked almonds and 2 Coke Zeros (200+2*0=200)
Popcorn and iced tea (140+60=200)
A little milk to take away the hot pepper burn (20)
Rice and beans with cheese (200+200+100=500)
400+100+350+200+200+20+500=1770 (w00t under 1800)
and some "above legs resistance training", which is basically the same as the "weights and crunches" I've been reporting, but more general. I changed my description because I'm not just using weights anymore (I started using some of the machines) and I did some leg lifts in addition to crunches for my abs. What's really cool is I found a machine that allows you to do pull-ups with assistance weight. So, I can do my pull-ups with a net 30 pounds and build strength that way until I can actually lift my body weight.
I've decided I'd like to be fit enough to do push-ups, pull-ups, and crunches in virtually unlimited capacity, and to run 3 miles in 30 minutes 3 times a week. Then my lean-maintenance routine will be very simple - I just do a large-ish set (like 50) of each strength exercise every day, which I know doesn't take long when you can actually do those things. If I get to the 3 miles in 30 minutes point, I might try to push it to 5 miles in 45 eventually, which would keep me in the shape to undertake any bike trip I want and train for a competitive footrace if I wanted to.
You know what's dreamy? It's getting easier. It's getting easier to say no thanks, just a little, just one, this instead. Yeah, progesterone was fueling mad cravings (not even specific ones, just the feedmefeedme urge) but I feel that lifting up. I put a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of milk a bowl this morning and thought, that's not a bad serving. I ate two anyway because 180 calories isn't enough for breakfast, but I always used to think cereal box servings were ridiculous. A quarter cup of nuts, if you actually measure it out and put it in a jar to take with you, is plenty. A half cup of ice cream does not constitute pitiful deprivation. It's getting easier.
Cereal, yogurt, and espresso (100+160+140=400)
Apple (100)
Sandwich (2*100+100+50=350)
Soaked almonds and 2 Coke Zeros (200+2*0=200)
Popcorn and iced tea (140+60=200)
A little milk to take away the hot pepper burn (20)
Rice and beans with cheese (200+200+100=500)
400+100+350+200+200+20+500=1770 (w00t under 1800)
and some "above legs resistance training", which is basically the same as the "weights and crunches" I've been reporting, but more general. I changed my description because I'm not just using weights anymore (I started using some of the machines) and I did some leg lifts in addition to crunches for my abs. What's really cool is I found a machine that allows you to do pull-ups with assistance weight. So, I can do my pull-ups with a net 30 pounds and build strength that way until I can actually lift my body weight.
I've decided I'd like to be fit enough to do push-ups, pull-ups, and crunches in virtually unlimited capacity, and to run 3 miles in 30 minutes 3 times a week. Then my lean-maintenance routine will be very simple - I just do a large-ish set (like 50) of each strength exercise every day, which I know doesn't take long when you can actually do those things. If I get to the 3 miles in 30 minutes point, I might try to push it to 5 miles in 45 eventually, which would keep me in the shape to undertake any bike trip I want and train for a competitive footrace if I wanted to.
You know what's dreamy? It's getting easier. It's getting easier to say no thanks, just a little, just one, this instead. Yeah, progesterone was fueling mad cravings (not even specific ones, just the feedmefeedme urge) but I feel that lifting up. I put a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of milk a bowl this morning and thought, that's not a bad serving. I ate two anyway because 180 calories isn't enough for breakfast, but I always used to think cereal box servings were ridiculous. A quarter cup of nuts, if you actually measure it out and put it in a jar to take with you, is plenty. A half cup of ice cream does not constitute pitiful deprivation. It's getting easier.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Dairy, I think we should just be friends
I was 176 this morning and all my measurements are stable, but I felt trimmer. Hopefully this means my body is done with the excessive retaining it was doing. At any rate, I'm wearing my skinny pants, which are size 8 Dockers that undoubtedly stretched during my gradual weight gain this school year, since all the rest of my pants are 12s that fit and 10s that don't. Still, I didn't fit into them a month ago and they are a very flattering shape so they're making me feel good.
Another thing I have to keep in mind (TMI warning) is that I've only been having a small bowel movement every 2 days or so, as opposed to one every day and occasionally 2 during the first part of my cycle, so the actual weight of my food is being retained more without necessarily having anything to do with fat. In this light, it now makes a lot more sense why I have large and frequent bowel movements during my period - getting rid of what I've been holding onto in all sorts of ways.
I want to try and reduce my dairy consumption to one serving of yogurt, one or two servings of cheese, and - for now - one serving of milk per day. Eventually I'd like to mostly phase out cow's milk in favor of plant milks and broth. This may help me lose weight, but the primary motivation is ecological. Eating lower on the food chain is always more energy-efficient, and cows are a particularly expensive animal, in addition to emitting methane, a greenhouse gas. Cheese and yogurt are uniquely delicious and really cannot be imitated with vegan products (they try, but they fail), plus yogurt is a safe and natural probiotic, so I'm just going to try to reduce those. Milk is yummy, but some of the alternatives are equally yummy for drinking and cereal, and it can be substituted in most recipes. Nuts have a similar nutritional profile to milk, and I don't eat a lot of nuts now because I don't like them dry, so nut milk (starting with almond) is my favorite idea for phasing out cow's milk. Of course, for that I need to first get a blender...
Ice cream is currently not included in this plan. I probably won't make a huge effort to reduce ice cream, since I already don't eat it that often and have been enjoying the recommended 1/2 cup servings. However, I might look for coconut milk ice creams. There was this Sharon's Sorbet at one of the grocery stores in town a few years ago that was really great... I don't know if they still have it or not.
Another thing I have to keep in mind (TMI warning) is that I've only been having a small bowel movement every 2 days or so, as opposed to one every day and occasionally 2 during the first part of my cycle, so the actual weight of my food is being retained more without necessarily having anything to do with fat. In this light, it now makes a lot more sense why I have large and frequent bowel movements during my period - getting rid of what I've been holding onto in all sorts of ways.
I want to try and reduce my dairy consumption to one serving of yogurt, one or two servings of cheese, and - for now - one serving of milk per day. Eventually I'd like to mostly phase out cow's milk in favor of plant milks and broth. This may help me lose weight, but the primary motivation is ecological. Eating lower on the food chain is always more energy-efficient, and cows are a particularly expensive animal, in addition to emitting methane, a greenhouse gas. Cheese and yogurt are uniquely delicious and really cannot be imitated with vegan products (they try, but they fail), plus yogurt is a safe and natural probiotic, so I'm just going to try to reduce those. Milk is yummy, but some of the alternatives are equally yummy for drinking and cereal, and it can be substituted in most recipes. Nuts have a similar nutritional profile to milk, and I don't eat a lot of nuts now because I don't like them dry, so nut milk (starting with almond) is my favorite idea for phasing out cow's milk. Of course, for that I need to first get a blender...
Ice cream is currently not included in this plan. I probably won't make a huge effort to reduce ice cream, since I already don't eat it that often and have been enjoying the recommended 1/2 cup servings. However, I might look for coconut milk ice creams. There was this Sharon's Sorbet at one of the grocery stores in town a few years ago that was really great... I don't know if they still have it or not.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Swelling with dehydration yep that's how it works
Bleh. I weighed 175 this morning - gained on the one day I actually somewhat cared about losing for a particular weigh-in. My preventive measures were not enough to keep me from waking up dehydrated, either, so I had no energy for my run (I still did it though for 1.2 miles) and the water I've drunk today has disproportionately stuck, pushing me up another several pounds over the course of the day. My parents didn't say anything about my weight, either because of what I just described or because 7 lbs isn't noticeable on someone who used to be 181. I can't expect much better tomorrow either, because I couldn't resist eating lots of salty seasoning as I was making popcorn for my b/f. It did allay me from eating so much of the popcorn and other random things lying around the kitchen. Better to get squishy from water now than squishy from fat later. I also haven't had a bowel movement since booster day (yesterday), so all that is hanging out inside me... the number is not going to look good tomorrow. But, despite my struggles, I'm still managing to stay within 2000 calories which is something. I ought to take a vitamin tomorow, so that as I flush out salt there wll be better minerals for the water to hang onto.
Yogurt (140)
1 egg and espresso with milk (70+20=90)
Coffee with sugar and creamer, 1 mini cupcake, and a strawberry (45+100=145)
String cheese and fruit grain bar (60+130=190)
Milk and tortilla (75+180=255)
String cheese (60)
Pasta, marinated vegetables, tofu, and iced tea (525+100+100+25=750)
2 Tbsp peanuts and 1/2 cup milk (80+80=160)
Crackers and popcorn and honey (160)
140+90+145+190+255+60+750+160+160=1950
Yogurt (140)
1 egg and espresso with milk (70+20=90)
Coffee with sugar and creamer, 1 mini cupcake, and a strawberry (45+100=145)
String cheese and fruit grain bar (60+130=190)
Milk and tortilla (75+180=255)
String cheese (60)
Pasta, marinated vegetables, tofu, and iced tea (525+100+100+25=750)
2 Tbsp peanuts and 1/2 cup milk (80+80=160)
Crackers and popcorn and honey (160)
140+90+145+190+255+60+750+160+160=1950
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Booster day
String cheese, a carrot, and espresso with milk (60+50+20=130)
Yogurt (105)
Macaroni and cheese and steamed kale (550+300+50=1000)
String cheese (60)
Iced tea (50)
Burrito (180+150+130+115=575)
Monster energy drink (2.3*90=210)
Popcorn (140)
130+105+1000+60+50+575+210+140=2270
I think it's hilarious that the burrito I made at home, trying to imitate a Taco Bell cheesy bean 'n' rice burrito, was higher in calories than the actual restaurant item. I mean, how do they make that thing only 480 calories? All I used in mine was a tortilla, some cheese sauce I'd made for the macaroni earlier and some extra melty cheese, and half a can of beans. Not even rice.
I ended up having quite a bit of salt on the popcorn, and having some pot and cigarettes tonight, so I drank a pint glass of water to try and make sure it doesn't make me dehydrated or retain too much. I'd like to be 173 tomorrow, because my parents are coming over and if they notice I've lost weight, I'd like to be able to tell them I've lost 8 pounds. That sounds like a nice round number.
Tomorrow I'm going to get up early, eat something small like a yogurt, go for a run, and then make a good breakfast when I get back and do my laundry.
Yogurt (105)
Macaroni and cheese and steamed kale (550+300+50=1000)
String cheese (60)
Iced tea (50)
Burrito (180+150+130+115=575)
Monster energy drink (2.3*90=210)
Popcorn (140)
130+105+1000+60+50+575+210+140=2270
I think it's hilarious that the burrito I made at home, trying to imitate a Taco Bell cheesy bean 'n' rice burrito, was higher in calories than the actual restaurant item. I mean, how do they make that thing only 480 calories? All I used in mine was a tortilla, some cheese sauce I'd made for the macaroni earlier and some extra melty cheese, and half a can of beans. Not even rice.
I ended up having quite a bit of salt on the popcorn, and having some pot and cigarettes tonight, so I drank a pint glass of water to try and make sure it doesn't make me dehydrated or retain too much. I'd like to be 173 tomorrow, because my parents are coming over and if they notice I've lost weight, I'd like to be able to tell them I've lost 8 pounds. That sounds like a nice round number.
Tomorrow I'm going to get up early, eat something small like a yogurt, go for a run, and then make a good breakfast when I get back and do my laundry.
Since I'm doing so well let's lay down some time goals
I didn't expect to maintain 174 from yesterday, but I did. Hellz to the yeah.
I also decided to start measuring my arms and thighs, since they are holding a lot of my fat right now. If/when I hit a weight plateau, it'll be nice to have an additional index of my progress. Today: thigh 26, arm 13, waist & hips same as last time.
As previously stated, my medium goals are 165 and 150. I'm calling my final goal 140 for now, and I consider my micro goals to be every 5 pounds (6 for the first one just because I started at an odd number). So I have already reached the first microgoal of 175.
My spreadsheet, as I've mentioned, can currently hold 99 days of data which will bring me to the first couple weeks of school. In the first 99 days, I would like to reach 160 - that's meso goal #1 plus 1 microgoal, 21 pounds. In the second 99 days (up to Winter Solstice) I want to lose 10 more pounds to meet meso goal #2, 150. Finally, in the next 118 days after that, by my 21st birthday, I want to lose the last 10. Of course, it's really up to my body and not me, but I think these are realistic times. It would be a really great birthday present to myself to feel slim, hot, and healthy for the big 21! Then I'll move into various phases of maintenance.
I know most people gain back weight they lose because they go back to old habits. They go on a diet and they go off the diet. I think that those factors won't influence me so much for a few reasons. Number one, the way I'm eating and exercising right now isn't a burden. 1800 calories a day doesn't feel bad. Exercising will be difficult once I go back to school, but I'm going to go back to school before I finish losing this weight anyway, so I'll learn how to make it fit. Number two, the last time I really had control over my own food, I lost weight without trying. Living with my parents and living in dorms both created conditions in which it was hard to eat in tune with my body's needs - I didn't get fat by being left to my own devices. On the other hand, I'm not entirely on my own this time - making my skinny-ass boyfriend understand that I actually have to pay attention to what I eat is an ongoing process. (Rant on how men just don't get it can happen later.) Number three, it seems to me like having a trim body is the perfect motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I always feel like there's something very bothersome about eating healthy and exercising and not having the body that should match that lifestyle. But having the lifestyle and body should strength your self-esteem, like, I'm doing this good thing and getting the reward for it. Also, things get easier for simple mechanical reasons - a lighter runner can be speedier and puts less stress on her joints, twisting and stretching works better when you don't have fat rolls in the way, my boyfriend might actually be able to pick me up if I only weighed 20 pounds more than him rather than 50. (I'll never weigh less than his 120.)
I also decided to start measuring my arms and thighs, since they are holding a lot of my fat right now. If/when I hit a weight plateau, it'll be nice to have an additional index of my progress. Today: thigh 26, arm 13, waist & hips same as last time.
As previously stated, my medium goals are 165 and 150. I'm calling my final goal 140 for now, and I consider my micro goals to be every 5 pounds (6 for the first one just because I started at an odd number). So I have already reached the first microgoal of 175.
My spreadsheet, as I've mentioned, can currently hold 99 days of data which will bring me to the first couple weeks of school. In the first 99 days, I would like to reach 160 - that's meso goal #1 plus 1 microgoal, 21 pounds. In the second 99 days (up to Winter Solstice) I want to lose 10 more pounds to meet meso goal #2, 150. Finally, in the next 118 days after that, by my 21st birthday, I want to lose the last 10. Of course, it's really up to my body and not me, but I think these are realistic times. It would be a really great birthday present to myself to feel slim, hot, and healthy for the big 21! Then I'll move into various phases of maintenance.
I know most people gain back weight they lose because they go back to old habits. They go on a diet and they go off the diet. I think that those factors won't influence me so much for a few reasons. Number one, the way I'm eating and exercising right now isn't a burden. 1800 calories a day doesn't feel bad. Exercising will be difficult once I go back to school, but I'm going to go back to school before I finish losing this weight anyway, so I'll learn how to make it fit. Number two, the last time I really had control over my own food, I lost weight without trying. Living with my parents and living in dorms both created conditions in which it was hard to eat in tune with my body's needs - I didn't get fat by being left to my own devices. On the other hand, I'm not entirely on my own this time - making my skinny-ass boyfriend understand that I actually have to pay attention to what I eat is an ongoing process. (Rant on how men just don't get it can happen later.) Number three, it seems to me like having a trim body is the perfect motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I always feel like there's something very bothersome about eating healthy and exercising and not having the body that should match that lifestyle. But having the lifestyle and body should strength your self-esteem, like, I'm doing this good thing and getting the reward for it. Also, things get easier for simple mechanical reasons - a lighter runner can be speedier and puts less stress on her joints, twisting and stretching works better when you don't have fat rolls in the way, my boyfriend might actually be able to pick me up if I only weighed 20 pounds more than him rather than 50. (I'll never weigh less than his 120.)
Friday, June 25, 2010
I thought about it carefully and chose
It started yesterday.
It started with my bike breaking so I had to walk home so I got home late so I didn't have as much time to take care of things before going to bed. I was tired doing my planning and so I thought like this:
2 eggs on 1 toast, yogurt, and espresso with milk (140+100+140+20=400)
Apple (100)
Pasta and canned beans with cheese (400+220+100=720)
2 fruit grain bars (2*130=260)
This was perfect. Good solid breakfast, nice big lunch with protein, reasonable snacks. So then I try to think of dinner... I have about 400 calories left to spend... geez there's really nothing around that I can prepare quickly... I know!
Ramen (380)
So there I am at 1860 and I bring the food to work. Yum lunch. The fruit grain bars are basically cookies, y'know, carbful not-very-satisfying little buggers that have HFCS as the first ingredient, but oh well, they're small and they're just snacks and I eat them with tea so they work. But the ramen, the ramen just is too much. Same category. Carb noodles with no protein. Delicious salty broth, too, but ramen is just not as filling as its 380 calories should make it.
So I haven't even left work yet and I'm thinking man, I want more food, sucks that I'm already at about the top of my limit. I know there's ice cream at home. Take the bus home and take it out of the freezer.
My boyfriend's gone, I'm lonely, I'm bored, all sorts of brain chemicals are low and I'd smoke pot if I had some but my person wasn't answering, what else am I going to do?
I open the box. Well let's just see how much there is left, that's probably about a cup, which would be two servings for 280 calories. Could I just make today my booster day? No, that doesn't work, you have to frontload those calories in the morning.
I take out the 1 cup measure and put the ice cream in it. It doesn't fill it up. I take out the 1/2 cup measure and transfer the ice cream. It fits perfectly.
1860+140=2000 exactly.
I'm okay with that.
Creamy yum.
--
Weight: 174, exercise: 1.0 miles jog on the path through the wildlife preserve!
It started with my bike breaking so I had to walk home so I got home late so I didn't have as much time to take care of things before going to bed. I was tired doing my planning and so I thought like this:
2 eggs on 1 toast, yogurt, and espresso with milk (140+100+140+20=400)
Apple (100)
Pasta and canned beans with cheese (400+220+100=720)
2 fruit grain bars (2*130=260)
This was perfect. Good solid breakfast, nice big lunch with protein, reasonable snacks. So then I try to think of dinner... I have about 400 calories left to spend... geez there's really nothing around that I can prepare quickly... I know!
Ramen (380)
So there I am at 1860 and I bring the food to work. Yum lunch. The fruit grain bars are basically cookies, y'know, carbful not-very-satisfying little buggers that have HFCS as the first ingredient, but oh well, they're small and they're just snacks and I eat them with tea so they work. But the ramen, the ramen just is too much. Same category. Carb noodles with no protein. Delicious salty broth, too, but ramen is just not as filling as its 380 calories should make it.
So I haven't even left work yet and I'm thinking man, I want more food, sucks that I'm already at about the top of my limit. I know there's ice cream at home. Take the bus home and take it out of the freezer.
My boyfriend's gone, I'm lonely, I'm bored, all sorts of brain chemicals are low and I'd smoke pot if I had some but my person wasn't answering, what else am I going to do?
I open the box. Well let's just see how much there is left, that's probably about a cup, which would be two servings for 280 calories. Could I just make today my booster day? No, that doesn't work, you have to frontload those calories in the morning.
I take out the 1 cup measure and put the ice cream in it. It doesn't fill it up. I take out the 1/2 cup measure and transfer the ice cream. It fits perfectly.
1860+140=2000 exactly.
I'm okay with that.
Creamy yum.
--
Weight: 174, exercise: 1.0 miles jog on the path through the wildlife preserve!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Fuckturds
Bike broke as I was leaving work, so add the walk home for 2.8 miles to my weight lifting, and 1 string cheese and 1/2 serving ice cream to my planned food for a total of 1830 cals. And, 175. That is all.
Self image
Remember in the Matrix, when Morpheus brings Neo into the first simulation that isn't the Matrix? Neo is actually bald and scrawny from being kept in a grow chamber his whole life, but in the simulation he has hair. Morpheus calls this "residual self image."
People also talk about distorted body image, but it's a little different, because with distorted body image a person looks in the mirror and thinks they look fat when they're actually skinny.
What I felt was distorted for a very long time was the first thing, not the second. I would go around with an idea of what I looked like - a mental self-image - and then when I would catch myself in mirrors I would be unpleasantly surprised. My face looks that pudgy from the side? My posture is that bad? My midsection is that thick and lumpy? It wasn't that I saw my actual figure unrealistically, but that I thought my figure was different than it actually was.
I feel like my mental self-image matches my real appearance now, and it's very nice to let go of that distress. When I catch myself in mirrors, my side profile is about the size and shape I think it will be, if not exactly how I'd like it to be. I'm not surprised to see my pouchy, flabby arms, and my face isn't drooping with unaccounted fat. What I see in the mirror isn't great, but it's so much easier when it's what I expect.
People also talk about distorted body image, but it's a little different, because with distorted body image a person looks in the mirror and thinks they look fat when they're actually skinny.
What I felt was distorted for a very long time was the first thing, not the second. I would go around with an idea of what I looked like - a mental self-image - and then when I would catch myself in mirrors I would be unpleasantly surprised. My face looks that pudgy from the side? My posture is that bad? My midsection is that thick and lumpy? It wasn't that I saw my actual figure unrealistically, but that I thought my figure was different than it actually was.
I feel like my mental self-image matches my real appearance now, and it's very nice to let go of that distress. When I catch myself in mirrors, my side profile is about the size and shape I think it will be, if not exactly how I'd like it to be. I'm not surprised to see my pouchy, flabby arms, and my face isn't drooping with unaccounted fat. What I see in the mirror isn't great, but it's so much easier when it's what I expect.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Much success
My food plan for today worked so well that I'm going to eat essentially the same things tomorrow:
1 bowl cereal (100+150=250)
Apple (100)
String cheese (60)
Baked macaroni and cheese (450)
Yogurt (140)
2 slices bread (200)
Carrot and celery sticks (50)
2 tbsp peanut butter (200)
Tofurky (100)
8 oz milk (150)
Various tea and lots of espresso (0)
250+100+60+450+140+200+50+200+100+150=1700
It was amazing what happened when I had the carrot and celery sticks. It doesn't seem like they could actually be filling - certainly they've failed at that before - but they were. I think the dip (cream cheese) had something to do with it. It was tasty and a bit fatty, which makes you feel satisfied in one way, but the main part of the volume was coming from water and fiber. So there I am going "huh, I feel like I ate a good meal and I haven't even finished my 100 calories of cream cheese." There's no more cream cheese so tomorrow we do peanut butter instead, which is twice as caloric but I'm planning on a lighter breakfast so it balances out. Also, since my breakfast involves milk, I'm not taking as much milk with me, so I added a string cheese to partly make up those calories, and traded egg for tofurky for some variety - but the lunch and basic dinner/snack box are the same. Friday will have to be different because there will be no more leftovers...
All I did for exercise today was jump-roping on my breaks. It got my heart rate up for sure, and I made sure to stick at it for several sets at a time, but I'm not really sure if it counts for much. Tomorrow I will make time for weights/strength training, and on Friday I want to do a real goddamn run.
1 bowl cereal (100+150=250)
Apple (100)
String cheese (60)
Baked macaroni and cheese (450)
Yogurt (140)
2 slices bread (200)
Carrot and celery sticks (50)
2 tbsp peanut butter (200)
Tofurky (100)
8 oz milk (150)
Various tea and lots of espresso (0)
250+100+60+450+140+200+50+200+100+150=1700
It was amazing what happened when I had the carrot and celery sticks. It doesn't seem like they could actually be filling - certainly they've failed at that before - but they were. I think the dip (cream cheese) had something to do with it. It was tasty and a bit fatty, which makes you feel satisfied in one way, but the main part of the volume was coming from water and fiber. So there I am going "huh, I feel like I ate a good meal and I haven't even finished my 100 calories of cream cheese." There's no more cream cheese so tomorrow we do peanut butter instead, which is twice as caloric but I'm planning on a lighter breakfast so it balances out. Also, since my breakfast involves milk, I'm not taking as much milk with me, so I added a string cheese to partly make up those calories, and traded egg for tofurky for some variety - but the lunch and basic dinner/snack box are the same. Friday will have to be different because there will be no more leftovers...
All I did for exercise today was jump-roping on my breaks. It got my heart rate up for sure, and I made sure to stick at it for several sets at a time, but I'm not really sure if it counts for much. Tomorrow I will make time for weights/strength training, and on Friday I want to do a real goddamn run.
La la lee luu
176.
I'm not thrilled but I can't say I'm especially surprised. Just got to stick to what I'm doing and focus on eating high fiber foods and drinking lots of water, to keep everything moving along. Also, remember that even so, I have lost 5 pounds, and that's a real chunk - that's more than everyday fluctuations.
Incidentally, while looking for lists of high fiber foods, I ran across this article:
http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=102823&catid=148
Remember thisiswhyyourefat.com? Yeah.
I'm not thrilled but I can't say I'm especially surprised. Just got to stick to what I'm doing and focus on eating high fiber foods and drinking lots of water, to keep everything moving along. Also, remember that even so, I have lost 5 pounds, and that's a real chunk - that's more than everyday fluctuations.
Incidentally, while looking for lists of high fiber foods, I ran across this article:
http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=102823&catid=148
Remember thisiswhyyourefat.com? Yeah.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Gotta love progesterone
Here's where it gets hard. The later half of my menstrual cycle. I knew, but didn't really think about, how it would be pretty easy to eat lightly during the first part. Now it's showtime. I may not lose any more weight this month because of water retention - or it may turn out that the weight-loss-arresting effects of progesterone have been simply due to eating more.
I gave up on the macronutrient ratio thing. It just takes too long to tabulate it all, and since my percentages were fine yesterday I don't think there's anything I need to change. I'll LOOK at labels, sure, but forget recording it.
Scrambled eggs and cheese in tortilla (110+100+180=390)
Yogurt (140)
Cheese and tofurky sandwich (2*100+100+80=380)
String cheese and plum with tea (60+50+0=110)
Baked macaroni & cheese & peas & carrots, steamed kale, and ice cream (450+50+140=640)
Extra handfuls of pasta (100)
390+140+380+110+640+100=1760
I went to the track, but it just wasn't happening. I'd start trying to jog and then my calves were burning after 100 m. Tried stretching, walking some more, nothing helped. So I practiced cartwheels instead. Tomorrow then, it's a tossup whether I run or do weights. I'm proud of myself for sticking to my diet plan, though - eating just one piece of the casserole, and a half-cup serving of ice cream. I know if I'd been running on "intuition" today I'd be up to 2200ish, so this is where the counting really helps.
Tomorrow I'm working a long day at work, so I'll have to bring all my food for the day with me and have thus already planned it:
Chocolate protein powder in lowfat yogurt and a nectarine (150+100+100=350)
Baked macaroni and cheese (450)
Yogurt *creamy delectable fullfat btw, 4oz* (140)
2 slices bread (200)
Carrot and celery sticks (50)
Remaining cream cheese (100)
Boiled egg (70)
Apple (100)
1 pint milk (300)
Various tea and lots of espresso (0)
350+140+100+200+450+100+50+300+70=1760
Then if I get home and want something, it won't kill me to have another 140 calories of ice cream, or better something like a string cheese. Y'know, since I don't want to take real long breaks, instead of running or weight training I might check out a jump rope. I know that burns hella calories in short times.
I gave up on the macronutrient ratio thing. It just takes too long to tabulate it all, and since my percentages were fine yesterday I don't think there's anything I need to change. I'll LOOK at labels, sure, but forget recording it.
Scrambled eggs and cheese in tortilla (110+100+180=390)
Yogurt (140)
Cheese and tofurky sandwich (2*100+100+80=380)
String cheese and plum with tea (60+50+0=110)
Baked macaroni & cheese & peas & carrots, steamed kale, and ice cream (450+50+140=640)
Extra handfuls of pasta (100)
390+140+380+110+640+100=1760
I went to the track, but it just wasn't happening. I'd start trying to jog and then my calves were burning after 100 m. Tried stretching, walking some more, nothing helped. So I practiced cartwheels instead. Tomorrow then, it's a tossup whether I run or do weights. I'm proud of myself for sticking to my diet plan, though - eating just one piece of the casserole, and a half-cup serving of ice cream. I know if I'd been running on "intuition" today I'd be up to 2200ish, so this is where the counting really helps.
Tomorrow I'm working a long day at work, so I'll have to bring all my food for the day with me and have thus already planned it:
Chocolate protein powder in lowfat yogurt and a nectarine (150+100+100=350)
Baked macaroni and cheese (450)
Yogurt *creamy delectable fullfat btw, 4oz* (140)
2 slices bread (200)
Carrot and celery sticks (50)
Remaining cream cheese (100)
Boiled egg (70)
Apple (100)
1 pint milk (300)
Various tea and lots of espresso (0)
350+140+100+200+450+100+50+300+70=1760
Then if I get home and want something, it won't kill me to have another 140 calories of ice cream, or better something like a string cheese. Y'know, since I don't want to take real long breaks, instead of running or weight training I might check out a jump rope. I know that burns hella calories in short times.
Monday, June 21, 2010
CRAZY
I have become such a lightweight to alcohol since I started restricting calories... it's fun, but it's also kinda weird 'cuz I haven't lost that much weight yet. I only had 2 glasses of wine and I am DRUNK.
... foodz:
1 toast with peanut butter and yogurt (100+100+150=350)
String cheese (60)
Cheese/veggie/tofurky sandwich and plum (2*100+100+100+50+50+50=550)
Brownie (200)
Tea and fruit grain bar (0+130=130)
Red beans 'n' rice dish, 2 glasses wine, and ice cream (200+2*125+150=600)
350+60+550+200+130+600=1890
C-206 L-56 P-61.5 (52/32/16%)
As you can see I decided how to report the macronutrient ratios - I'm not showing the breakdown for every food but the total grams of each and calorie percentage (alcohol not included).
I did weights and shit today... whatever.
I felt silly for eating the brownie. It wasn't that it wasn't good or I couldn't afford the calories but I just, y'know, wasn't really hungry and I could have just broken off a little bite to try. (My coworker brought them.) Oh well.
I felt CRAZY today. Jittery, ornery, like my only emotional options are annoyed or completely unresponsive (what most observers would probably interpret as depressed). Hallucination-type craziness doesn't bother me, I think it's fun actually, but emotional craziness, getting a kind of wild edginess for no good reason, that makes me feel unstable. I think addiction, OCD, EDs all have a common root. I don't Have An Eating Disorder but my eating habits haven't exactly been well-ordered for much of my life. I've teetered on the edge of being legitimately addicted to weed, I've got a compulsion to keep things at right angles (or 45 degrees, but NOT, for the love of God, just a few degrees off or wrinkled) and I can't stop biting the skin of my fingertips since I started 11 years ago. It's all small change, nothing worth bothering the psychiatrist about, but when you put it all together I do sound a few screws loose. Days like today, I wouldn't really mind just acting it all out - doing something vegetative and useless all day, or bouncing off the walls with no focus and piqued contrariness - if not for the effect it has on other people. I don't feel bad from it directly, but I don't want to hurt someone by being insensitive and dramatically argumentative, or have them all worried about my seeming down when it's just apathy, really, leave me alone... leave me alone.
Alone. I wish I had my people-time in the morning, and alone-working-time at night, because I seem to have less work-focus in the morning, and want to talk to people less at night.
... foodz:
1 toast with peanut butter and yogurt (100+100+150=350)
String cheese (60)
Cheese/veggie/tofurky sandwich and plum (2*100+100+100+50+50+50=550)
Brownie (200)
Tea and fruit grain bar (0+130=130)
Red beans 'n' rice dish, 2 glasses wine, and ice cream (200+2*125+150=600)
350+60+550+200+130+600=1890
C-206 L-56 P-61.5 (52/32/16%)
As you can see I decided how to report the macronutrient ratios - I'm not showing the breakdown for every food but the total grams of each and calorie percentage (alcohol not included).
I did weights and shit today... whatever.
I felt silly for eating the brownie. It wasn't that it wasn't good or I couldn't afford the calories but I just, y'know, wasn't really hungry and I could have just broken off a little bite to try. (My coworker brought them.) Oh well.
I felt CRAZY today. Jittery, ornery, like my only emotional options are annoyed or completely unresponsive (what most observers would probably interpret as depressed). Hallucination-type craziness doesn't bother me, I think it's fun actually, but emotional craziness, getting a kind of wild edginess for no good reason, that makes me feel unstable. I think addiction, OCD, EDs all have a common root. I don't Have An Eating Disorder but my eating habits haven't exactly been well-ordered for much of my life. I've teetered on the edge of being legitimately addicted to weed, I've got a compulsion to keep things at right angles (or 45 degrees, but NOT, for the love of God, just a few degrees off or wrinkled) and I can't stop biting the skin of my fingertips since I started 11 years ago. It's all small change, nothing worth bothering the psychiatrist about, but when you put it all together I do sound a few screws loose. Days like today, I wouldn't really mind just acting it all out - doing something vegetative and useless all day, or bouncing off the walls with no focus and piqued contrariness - if not for the effect it has on other people. I don't feel bad from it directly, but I don't want to hurt someone by being insensitive and dramatically argumentative, or have them all worried about my seeming down when it's just apathy, really, leave me alone... leave me alone.
Alone. I wish I had my people-time in the morning, and alone-working-time at night, because I seem to have less work-focus in the morning, and want to talk to people less at night.
:)
My boyfriend tells me my face is getting slimmer, my clothes are getting more comfortable, and I weighed in at 175 this morning just like I hoped to. Happy times!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
There's nothing I can't overanalyze
Just wrote my "About me" section with statistics, and I realized that my whole full-grown life, I have traversed the entire 30 pounds that make up the "overweight" section of the BMI chart and have measured myself exactly one pound in each of the "normal" and "obese" directions. Interesting.
I've really got to keep these entries in reverse order in my document, it's getting to be a pain scrolling all the way to the bottom:
1 bowl cereal and black coffee (100+150=250)
Crackers and guacamole and coffee with cream and sugar (2*60+2*90+45=345)
Plum (50)
Leftover stir fry in a tortilla (300+180=480)
Tortilla (180)
Grapefruit juice and nibbles of a hummus plate (200+150=350)
Granola fruit bar (50)
Salad with vinaigrette and a spoonful of peanuts (75+40=115)
250+345+50+480+180+350+50+115=1820
1.4 miles jogging in the neighborhood. Loveliest roses lately, the best smelling ones are this beautiful peach color.
Surprisingly, no gain from yesterday, but it seemed like a lot went into the toilet, so I expect a drop tomorrow. Incidentally, I woke up feeling thirsty, which often happens when I eat a lot of food. But I don't get it - food contains water, and I know water is a byproduct of metabolism.
Anyway, new idea I had. My spreadsheet right now accommodates 99 days of data. That will take me about two weeks into school. It'll be great because I'll be forced to pay attention to my habits even as I'm transitioning into being busier. But after I get back to school I won't have the time to be as intensive about this; I'll only be able to keep the basics. So for these first 99 days, why don't I learn as much as possible about food, what it's made of, what this or that number of calories in this or that kind food looks like, feels like to eat, etc. ... so that I'll have an intuitive understanding and casual knowledge of it without scrutinizing labels.
I've really got to keep these entries in reverse order in my document, it's getting to be a pain scrolling all the way to the bottom:
1 bowl cereal and black coffee (100+150=250)
Crackers and guacamole and coffee with cream and sugar (2*60+2*90+45=345)
Plum (50)
Leftover stir fry in a tortilla (300+180=480)
Tortilla (180)
Grapefruit juice and nibbles of a hummus plate (200+150=350)
Granola fruit bar (50)
Salad with vinaigrette and a spoonful of peanuts (75+40=115)
250+345+50+480+180+350+50+115=1820
1.4 miles jogging in the neighborhood. Loveliest roses lately, the best smelling ones are this beautiful peach color.
Surprisingly, no gain from yesterday, but it seemed like a lot went into the toilet, so I expect a drop tomorrow. Incidentally, I woke up feeling thirsty, which often happens when I eat a lot of food. But I don't get it - food contains water, and I know water is a byproduct of metabolism.
Anyway, new idea I had. My spreadsheet right now accommodates 99 days of data. That will take me about two weeks into school. It'll be great because I'll be forced to pay attention to my habits even as I'm transitioning into being busier. But after I get back to school I won't have the time to be as intensive about this; I'll only be able to keep the basics. So for these first 99 days, why don't I learn as much as possible about food, what it's made of, what this or that number of calories in this or that kind food looks like, feels like to eat, etc. ... so that I'll have an intuitive understanding and casual knowledge of it without scrutinizing labels.
What I'd like to do more intensely while I can is learn macronutrient ratios. "Fat should be 20 percent to 35 percent of total calories—saturated fats should be less than 10 percent. Carbohydrates should make up 45 percent to 65 percent of total calories, and protein should comprise 10 percent to 35 percent of total calories." Excluding outliers, my daily average has been exactly 1800 so far (how calculationally serendipitous!). I'll take my booster day as 2200 calories. Then the calories break down as follows:
Everyday-
Fat: 360-630, 180 sat
Carbs: 810-1170
Protein: 180-630
Roughly - 400/900/500
Booster-
Fat: 440-770, 220 sat
Carbs: 990-1430
Protein: 220-770
Roughly - 600/1100/500
I don't really have the time to go through today and do a macronutrient analysis, but tomorrow I will start. I'm not sure I will post it here though, at least not every day, because I fear it might be cumbersome and not necessarily that meaningful. Weekly averages, perhaps?
EDIT: Haha, just made some quick calculations and realized 500 cals protein is 125g which is way more than anyone recommends. I'm not gonna go through the details but here is a more reasonable plan in mass for the everyday diet that falls within the ranges above:
260g CH2O -- 55.5g CH2 -- 65g NH2
'Night guys.
Everyday-
Fat: 360-630, 180 sat
Carbs: 810-1170
Protein: 180-630
Roughly - 400/900/500
Booster-
Fat: 440-770, 220 sat
Carbs: 990-1430
Protein: 220-770
Roughly - 600/1100/500
I don't really have the time to go through today and do a macronutrient analysis, but tomorrow I will start. I'm not sure I will post it here though, at least not every day, because I fear it might be cumbersome and not necessarily that meaningful. Weekly averages, perhaps?
EDIT: Haha, just made some quick calculations and realized 500 cals protein is 125g which is way more than anyone recommends. I'm not gonna go through the details but here is a more reasonable plan in mass for the everyday diet that falls within the ranges above:
260g CH2O -- 55.5g CH2 -- 65g NH2
'Night guys.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Who knew breaking 2000 would be hard?
The vanilla pudding tasted like frosting and had the consistency of yogurt. I didn't want to eat my whole serving so I had half, added 30 calories for tasting it while it was cooking (arbitrary really, just a convenient number) and had a string cheese bringing me up to 1660 for yesterday (damn yo). It's even grosser after sitting in the fridge all night - looks like flubber. Hopefully my boyfriend will eat it as he didn't seem to mind.
Today we went out for breakfast so I decided to make it my metabolic booster day. First I will show the numbers:
Breakfast out (690)
Salmon and brie quiche (500)
Green salad with vinaigrette (50)
2 cups coffee with cream and sugar (120)
1 Andes mint (20)
2 dried fruit bars (2*50=100)
Bread and milk (150+100=250)
1.5 plates stir fry (1.5*600=900)
1/2 ice cream cup with extra cream (180+100=280)
690+100+250+900+280=2220
Holy shit 700 calorie breakfast. I didn't feel like I was stuffing myself at the time (French food is compact y'know) but as we left it started hitting me and I felt bogged down for hours. Then, funny sort of trade happened. We took the bus out to get b/f a dress shirt in the meantime. As we were on our way back, I wasn't terribly hungry but needed a blood sugar boost so my plan was to have an apple when we got home, then go down to the track and run. However, our bus transfers expired before the second bus back, so b/f convinced me to walk the rest of the way and he'd get me some fruit bars. So I traded an apple for fruit bars, and running for walking. Normally I wouldn't count walking, but it was 2.3 miles, probably further than I was going to run, so it seems worth mentioning. It counts as a reason not to run (tired feet), but not as something I need a rest day from, so I'm calling this my rest day for the week as well.
Anyway, then we ate dinner and wow that filled me up. And it was actually a little distasteful. My b/f, skinny bastard, says eating too much makes him feel sick, and I never understood it, but I kinda get it now, and I think it's good that I'm developing that capacity. Still, this only brought me to 1940 (WTF I'm thinking) and so I happily agreed to smoke some pot with our movie and afterwards had the ice cream. There's never a time I don't feel like ice cream.
Weight back at 177, waist down to 33", hips still 43".
----
Scarlet: I'm glad you took my message to heart. I have a few tips for you:
- I understand that you're not ready to try eating normally right away, but it's generally accepted that under 1200 calories for a woman is starvation and leads to major metabolic shutdown. Do try to meet that at least on your "booster" days.
- Eat breakfast. No matter how many calories you're eating, it's beneficial to eat the greater part of them earlier in the day. I notice, and I think this is a very common ED tactic, that sometimes you fast until a certain point in the day or as long as you can stand and then eat later. This the least effective way to get your food burned off. Also, eat protein with breakfast. It's an important nutrient, will keep you full relatively longer than carbs, and will release sugar into your blood smoothly rather than in a spike.
- When you move out and buy your own food you will have much more control over what you eat and what is available for eating. You will also be able to explore at your leisure what works best for your body. I have been out of my parents' house for two years now and between the three living situations I have had (parents, dorms, and buying my own food) the self-directed approach has worked by far the best. My parents were actually somewhat of health nuts, but I think this made me crave the forbidden fruit, and also my body just doesn't work ideally on their kind of diet (actual or idealized). Dorms are problematic because portions, good or bad, are one-size-fits-all and I don't make the food. Being by myself, I've learned that bread and milk are delightful staples that my body loves, I can eat less or more as I see fit, and I get enjoyment out of preparing food as well as eating it. Also, I can't just decide I feel like a brownie and have one in 3 minutes.
- You may be interested in this essay.
Today we went out for breakfast so I decided to make it my metabolic booster day. First I will show the numbers:
Breakfast out (690)
Salmon and brie quiche (500)
Green salad with vinaigrette (50)
2 cups coffee with cream and sugar (120)
1 Andes mint (20)
2 dried fruit bars (2*50=100)
Bread and milk (150+100=250)
1.5 plates stir fry (1.5*600=900)
1/2 ice cream cup with extra cream (180+100=280)
690+100+250+900+280=2220
Holy shit 700 calorie breakfast. I didn't feel like I was stuffing myself at the time (French food is compact y'know) but as we left it started hitting me and I felt bogged down for hours. Then, funny sort of trade happened. We took the bus out to get b/f a dress shirt in the meantime. As we were on our way back, I wasn't terribly hungry but needed a blood sugar boost so my plan was to have an apple when we got home, then go down to the track and run. However, our bus transfers expired before the second bus back, so b/f convinced me to walk the rest of the way and he'd get me some fruit bars. So I traded an apple for fruit bars, and running for walking. Normally I wouldn't count walking, but it was 2.3 miles, probably further than I was going to run, so it seems worth mentioning. It counts as a reason not to run (tired feet), but not as something I need a rest day from, so I'm calling this my rest day for the week as well.
Anyway, then we ate dinner and wow that filled me up. And it was actually a little distasteful. My b/f, skinny bastard, says eating too much makes him feel sick, and I never understood it, but I kinda get it now, and I think it's good that I'm developing that capacity. Still, this only brought me to 1940 (WTF I'm thinking) and so I happily agreed to smoke some pot with our movie and afterwards had the ice cream. There's never a time I don't feel like ice cream.
Weight back at 177, waist down to 33", hips still 43".
----
Scarlet: I'm glad you took my message to heart. I have a few tips for you:
- I understand that you're not ready to try eating normally right away, but it's generally accepted that under 1200 calories for a woman is starvation and leads to major metabolic shutdown. Do try to meet that at least on your "booster" days.
- Eat breakfast. No matter how many calories you're eating, it's beneficial to eat the greater part of them earlier in the day. I notice, and I think this is a very common ED tactic, that sometimes you fast until a certain point in the day or as long as you can stand and then eat later. This the least effective way to get your food burned off. Also, eat protein with breakfast. It's an important nutrient, will keep you full relatively longer than carbs, and will release sugar into your blood smoothly rather than in a spike.
- When you move out and buy your own food you will have much more control over what you eat and what is available for eating. You will also be able to explore at your leisure what works best for your body. I have been out of my parents' house for two years now and between the three living situations I have had (parents, dorms, and buying my own food) the self-directed approach has worked by far the best. My parents were actually somewhat of health nuts, but I think this made me crave the forbidden fruit, and also my body just doesn't work ideally on their kind of diet (actual or idealized). Dorms are problematic because portions, good or bad, are one-size-fits-all and I don't make the food. Being by myself, I've learned that bread and milk are delightful staples that my body loves, I can eat less or more as I see fit, and I get enjoyment out of preparing food as well as eating it. Also, I can't just decide I feel like a brownie and have one in 3 minutes.
- You may be interested in this essay.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Ho hum
Apparently the sport center closes at 2 on Fridays during the summer, so I didn't get to lift weights today, but I still did some crunches and dips on a chair when I got home.
I had lunch with my mom today and she brought mezza. There were so many things, I knew I couldn't possibly tally the calories in my head as I went, so I just kept note of quantities and added it up afterward (that's why it's broken down even further than usual in the tally. I was a little apprehensive to see that it added up to 690 (I'd been estimating lunch at 500) but then I had two interesting experiences. Well, the first interesting experience was at lunch itself. My mom had brought 1/2 cup servings of rice pudding, and I had some because I wanted to try it and it was yummy, but I spontaneously said "y'know, I'm actually full" halfway through and put the lid back on. Interesting experience number two was that, after that big lunch, I didn't feel hungry for the other snacks I'd brought, so I was minus an anticipated apple and yogurt. Plus 190, minus 250. Good trade. I should get that yogurt out of my bag and put it in the fridge though...
Friday 6/18
Open face egg and cheese on toast and black coffee (100+100+70=270)
String cheese (60)
Mezza (690)
Flatbreads (150+120)
Feta cheese (100)
Olives (75)
Hummus (150)
Veggies (50)
Rice pudding (70)
1.5 bowls chicken noodle soup (1.5*300=450)
270+60+690+450=1470
Sad about the end of the chicken soup - I was looking forward to 2 bowls, but then again I shouldn't really complain about more calorie-ectomy. This is probably not the complete list for today though. The rice pudding gave me ideas, so I made vanilla pudding, only it didn't set up right, so I had to reheat it and add more cornstarch. It's still cooling in the freezer. If it does work out tonight, I'll have a 200-calorie serving of vanilla pudding, bringing me up to 1670, which is really quite low, but if I'm not uncomfortable, then better less than more.
Oh, and I'm 176 this morning. Wonder if it'll last...
I had lunch with my mom today and she brought mezza. There were so many things, I knew I couldn't possibly tally the calories in my head as I went, so I just kept note of quantities and added it up afterward (that's why it's broken down even further than usual in the tally. I was a little apprehensive to see that it added up to 690 (I'd been estimating lunch at 500) but then I had two interesting experiences. Well, the first interesting experience was at lunch itself. My mom had brought 1/2 cup servings of rice pudding, and I had some because I wanted to try it and it was yummy, but I spontaneously said "y'know, I'm actually full" halfway through and put the lid back on. Interesting experience number two was that, after that big lunch, I didn't feel hungry for the other snacks I'd brought, so I was minus an anticipated apple and yogurt. Plus 190, minus 250. Good trade. I should get that yogurt out of my bag and put it in the fridge though...
Friday 6/18
Open face egg and cheese on toast and black coffee (100+100+70=270)
String cheese (60)
Mezza (690)
Flatbreads (150+120)
Feta cheese (100)
Olives (75)
Hummus (150)
Veggies (50)
Rice pudding (70)
1.5 bowls chicken noodle soup (1.5*300=450)
270+60+690+450=1470
Sad about the end of the chicken soup - I was looking forward to 2 bowls, but then again I shouldn't really complain about more calorie-ectomy. This is probably not the complete list for today though. The rice pudding gave me ideas, so I made vanilla pudding, only it didn't set up right, so I had to reheat it and add more cornstarch. It's still cooling in the freezer. If it does work out tonight, I'll have a 200-calorie serving of vanilla pudding, bringing me up to 1670, which is really quite low, but if I'm not uncomfortable, then better less than more.
Oh, and I'm 176 this morning. Wonder if it'll last...
Right? Yeah-ah-ah!
So I blipped out for a bit. Here's my counts:
Wednesday 6/16
1 bowl cereal and black coffee (100+150+0=250)
Peach (100)
Cheese and veggie sandwich with milk (2*100+100+50+50+150=550)
2 string cheese and crackers (2*60+130=250)
2 bowls chicken noodle soup (2*300=600)
Gel dessert (40)
250+100+550+250+600+40=1790
Thursday 6/17
2 scrambled eggs, 1 toast with cream cheese, and black coffee (150+100+50=300)
String cheese (60)
Milk chocolate protein shake, cheese, and crackers (150+150+100+100=500)
Orange (100)
Home-mixed yogurt (100+50=150)
Milk (150)
1 bowl chicken noodle soup (300)
1/4 Danish squash with butter and brown sugar (100+100+50=250)
300+60+500+100+150+150+300+250=1810
Still hovering around 1800 pretty easily. On Wednesday I lifted weights for the first time! Since all the exercise I've ever done my whole life, essentially, is in the legs (biking, walking, and running), my strength training is going to be just on my abs and arms, and maybe some stuff for the back and chest once I get in the swing of it more. I did some bicep curls, which were easy with 5-pound weights and not hard with 8-pound weights, and didn't leave any soreness. Then I mostly did tricep exercises, which were challenging even with just 5-pound weights and left a little soreness later. So I might bump the bicep stuff up to 10 pounds today and will stick with 5 pounds for triceps until it gets easier. My arm strength is pathetic, I can't even do one proper push-up and I can't even REMEMBER being able to do a pull-up although I might have when I was really little. For the abs I'm just doing crunches - for now, 1 set of 10 regular sit ups and 1 set of 10 of the kind where you twist to the side and point your elbow at your opposite knee, alternating sides. It's kind of disappointing that 10 is all I can take right now, because in middle school when they did fitness testing I went all the way up to 50 easily, which is where their scale maxes out so they just cut you off after that.
Then yesterday I went to the TRACK and did a TRACK WORKOUT for the first time since last summer (because my college doesn't have a track - now that I'm living off campus it makes more sense to hop over to the nearest high school). When I started running last January (when I was at a different college) I learned from a friend who had done track and cross-country for a long time in high school, so he knew his shit. I put together this workout that I like a lot, although the specific numbers vary sometimes, I'm going to denote it 16/2x4/4x1/4 for this particular one. This means:
4 laps (1600 m) of warm up jog
2 "400s" (1 lap each) non-consecutively, at the max speed I can maintain for a whole lap
4 "eggshells", which are 100-m sprints followed by 100-m rest walk
1 lap (400 m) of cool down jog
So basically the idea is (number of iterations)x(meters/100) for each type of exercise. Obviously, you don't have to do a whole mile of warm-up, I just felt like it. Basically, warming up I start comfortable (no matter how slow that is), gradually speed up until what is comfortable for my body matches what my mind believes is a reasonable springy jogging speed, and then maintain that for a bit. A half mile would usually be sufficient for that. You can do as many 400s and as many eggshells as you feel like as long as you continue to be able to do them. 1 lap is really the minimum for a cool down. In between each of these there is walking, but I don't count that as far as exercise that matters. Most of time it's 1 lap because it's convenient, except that the eggshells are already defined as 100 m sprint and 100 m walk, which is also convenient because you get 2 to a lap.
Anyway, I LOVE track because it's flat and well measured and goes in a circle so you can structure and anticipate your workout very precisely without worrying if you'll fizzle out further from home than you meant to be or hit an unexpected hill or something. It makes it so you can basically work to the max without overshooting it. And it feels SO good, the flood of endorphins afterward. You can just sit there, stretching which also feels amazing, or not, and just think mmm everything's groovy.
Wednesday 6/16
1 bowl cereal and black coffee (100+150+0=250)
Peach (100)
Cheese and veggie sandwich with milk (2*100+100+50+50+150=550)
2 string cheese and crackers (2*60+130=250)
2 bowls chicken noodle soup (2*300=600)
Gel dessert (40)
250+100+550+250+600+40=1790
Thursday 6/17
2 scrambled eggs, 1 toast with cream cheese, and black coffee (150+100+50=300)
String cheese (60)
Milk chocolate protein shake, cheese, and crackers (150+150+100+100=500)
Orange (100)
Home-mixed yogurt (100+50=150)
Milk (150)
1 bowl chicken noodle soup (300)
1/4 Danish squash with butter and brown sugar (100+100+50=250)
300+60+500+100+150+150+300+250=1810
Still hovering around 1800 pretty easily. On Wednesday I lifted weights for the first time! Since all the exercise I've ever done my whole life, essentially, is in the legs (biking, walking, and running), my strength training is going to be just on my abs and arms, and maybe some stuff for the back and chest once I get in the swing of it more. I did some bicep curls, which were easy with 5-pound weights and not hard with 8-pound weights, and didn't leave any soreness. Then I mostly did tricep exercises, which were challenging even with just 5-pound weights and left a little soreness later. So I might bump the bicep stuff up to 10 pounds today and will stick with 5 pounds for triceps until it gets easier. My arm strength is pathetic, I can't even do one proper push-up and I can't even REMEMBER being able to do a pull-up although I might have when I was really little. For the abs I'm just doing crunches - for now, 1 set of 10 regular sit ups and 1 set of 10 of the kind where you twist to the side and point your elbow at your opposite knee, alternating sides. It's kind of disappointing that 10 is all I can take right now, because in middle school when they did fitness testing I went all the way up to 50 easily, which is where their scale maxes out so they just cut you off after that.
Then yesterday I went to the TRACK and did a TRACK WORKOUT for the first time since last summer (because my college doesn't have a track - now that I'm living off campus it makes more sense to hop over to the nearest high school). When I started running last January (when I was at a different college) I learned from a friend who had done track and cross-country for a long time in high school, so he knew his shit. I put together this workout that I like a lot, although the specific numbers vary sometimes, I'm going to denote it 16/2x4/4x1/4 for this particular one. This means:
4 laps (1600 m) of warm up jog
2 "400s" (1 lap each) non-consecutively, at the max speed I can maintain for a whole lap
4 "eggshells", which are 100-m sprints followed by 100-m rest walk
1 lap (400 m) of cool down jog
So basically the idea is (number of iterations)x(meters/100) for each type of exercise. Obviously, you don't have to do a whole mile of warm-up, I just felt like it. Basically, warming up I start comfortable (no matter how slow that is), gradually speed up until what is comfortable for my body matches what my mind believes is a reasonable springy jogging speed, and then maintain that for a bit. A half mile would usually be sufficient for that. You can do as many 400s and as many eggshells as you feel like as long as you continue to be able to do them. 1 lap is really the minimum for a cool down. In between each of these there is walking, but I don't count that as far as exercise that matters. Most of time it's 1 lap because it's convenient, except that the eggshells are already defined as 100 m sprint and 100 m walk, which is also convenient because you get 2 to a lap.
Anyway, I LOVE track because it's flat and well measured and goes in a circle so you can structure and anticipate your workout very precisely without worrying if you'll fizzle out further from home than you meant to be or hit an unexpected hill or something. It makes it so you can basically work to the max without overshooting it. And it feels SO good, the flood of endorphins afterward. You can just sit there, stretching which also feels amazing, or not, and just think mmm everything's groovy.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Quick notes
Egg and cheese bagel sandwich (230+70+100=400)
Sardines in mustard sauce with crackers and an apple (140+200+100=440)
Home-mixed yogurt (100+50=150)
2 string cheese (2*60=120)
Milk (150)
Thai boxed dinner with added broccoli and tofu (310+100+50+130=590)
Gel dessert (20)
400+440+150+150+120+590+20=1870
On a more global scale, over the last 9 days I have averaged 1836 calories/day.
I also went for a street jog (as opposed to a treadmill or track jog) of 1.1 miles.
I was reading and found that bodybuilders (who need minimal fat and maximal muscle) do a "zigzag" diet where they eat low calorie for a few days, then take a high calorie day or two to rev metabolism back up, while maintaining a deficit on average. So perhaps my 2470 day was not so bad. My guideline for low-calorie days has essentially been, always under 2000, and under 1800 if it works. So I think maybe on Sundays generally I will allow a splurge day where I go over 2000, but not over 2500.
Sardines in mustard sauce with crackers and an apple (140+200+100=440)
Home-mixed yogurt (100+50=150)
2 string cheese (2*60=120)
Milk (150)
Thai boxed dinner with added broccoli and tofu (310+100+50+130=590)
Gel dessert (20)
400+440+150+150+120+590+20=1870
On a more global scale, over the last 9 days I have averaged 1836 calories/day.
I also went for a street jog (as opposed to a treadmill or track jog) of 1.1 miles.
I was reading and found that bodybuilders (who need minimal fat and maximal muscle) do a "zigzag" diet where they eat low calorie for a few days, then take a high calorie day or two to rev metabolism back up, while maintaining a deficit on average. So perhaps my 2470 day was not so bad. My guideline for low-calorie days has essentially been, always under 2000, and under 1800 if it works. So I think maybe on Sundays generally I will allow a splurge day where I go over 2000, but not over 2500.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wham bam
My body is smart and realizes it doesn't need as much food today after my excesses last night. I have been no hungrier than usual and here is my tally:
Bagel with cream cheese and black coffee (230+100+0=330)
Apple (100)
Ramen noodles, string cheese, and coffee with a splash of nonfat milk (380+60+0+10=450)
Home-mixed yogurt (100+50=150)
Coke Zero (0)
Red beans 'n' rice dish and steamed carrots and asparagus (200+50+50=300)
330+100+450+150+300=1330
Damn straight. Also note the two coffees and calorie-free cola. Hopefully, between these caffeine sources and the low calorie count for today, I'll have undone most of the damage I did yesterday. In a bit I'm going to walk to the store and get that hopefully-raspberry-green tea. After that, I'll do some crunches. I'm going to start general strength training, but since I don't know anything about weightlifting that part will have to wait a few days or a week until I do some more research.
Bagel with cream cheese and black coffee (230+100+0=330)
Apple (100)
Ramen noodles, string cheese, and coffee with a splash of nonfat milk (380+60+0+10=450)
Home-mixed yogurt (100+50=150)
Coke Zero (0)
Red beans 'n' rice dish and steamed carrots and asparagus (200+50+50=300)
330+100+450+150+300=1330
Damn straight. Also note the two coffees and calorie-free cola. Hopefully, between these caffeine sources and the low calorie count for today, I'll have undone most of the damage I did yesterday. In a bit I'm going to walk to the store and get that hopefully-raspberry-green tea. After that, I'll do some crunches. I'm going to start general strength training, but since I don't know anything about weightlifting that part will have to wait a few days or a week until I do some more research.
Analysis
See, the thing is, I had a plan for my munchies. I didn't just go smoke pot without considering that. My plan was that if I got too munchy before dinner, I would make myself tea - either some of the tea we've bought or one of the million kinds left behind by a previous roommate - and then, dinner would probably happen right about the time it really kicked in. I just didn't know or forgot a few things.
It seemed to be working really well at first, actually. I didn't need to use my tea plan before dinner. Then I ate dinner.
1. The first problem was I forgot that munchies are triggered. Eventually you will get really hungry in a primary way, but mostly, it's when you START eating that you want to CONTINUE.
2. The second problem was I thought for sure there would be some nice fruity tea somewhere in the pantry. Something like the raspberry tea I had in the morning when we were out. There wasn't.
So after dinner I had the nectarine, because my boyfriend put it in my head and I thought it's just fruit, and then I still felt like eating so I went to find tea. Couldn't find any fruity herbal tea, didn't want black tea at night, so I found this lovely green tea and the tin was empty. There was no tea that suited me so I made peppermint and added chocolate mix to it for hot cocoa and then after that it was just kinda like fuck it.
I have a coupon for 65c off a certain brand of tea, so I am going to WALK to the store after work today and get some raspberry tea. Preferably raspberry GREEN tea so that there is a trace of caffeine and a dose of possibly-metabolism-enhancing definitely-free-radical-cleaning-up catechins. And it will be delicious and tame my future munchies.
It seemed to be working really well at first, actually. I didn't need to use my tea plan before dinner. Then I ate dinner.
1. The first problem was I forgot that munchies are triggered. Eventually you will get really hungry in a primary way, but mostly, it's when you START eating that you want to CONTINUE.
2. The second problem was I thought for sure there would be some nice fruity tea somewhere in the pantry. Something like the raspberry tea I had in the morning when we were out. There wasn't.
So after dinner I had the nectarine, because my boyfriend put it in my head and I thought it's just fruit, and then I still felt like eating so I went to find tea. Couldn't find any fruity herbal tea, didn't want black tea at night, so I found this lovely green tea and the tin was empty. There was no tea that suited me so I made peppermint and added chocolate mix to it for hot cocoa and then after that it was just kinda like fuck it.
I have a coupon for 65c off a certain brand of tea, so I am going to WALK to the store after work today and get some raspberry tea. Preferably raspberry GREEN tea so that there is a trace of caffeine and a dose of possibly-metabolism-enhancing definitely-free-radical-cleaning-up catechins. And it will be delicious and tame my future munchies.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Munchies
Ugh, so I smoked weed and ate all these:
1 nectarine, string cheese, hot cocoa, and open-faced PBJ (100+60+200+250=610)
bringing my daily total up to 2470. Not good. Can't get back into that "fuck it" mentality.
God damn munchies. If I'd realized earlier I was going to toke today, I would've eaten less early in the day. Tomorrow is Monday though and I channeled the remainder of my munchies into planning all my pre-dinner food for tomorrow. It will add up to about 1000 before dinner, and if dinner is TOO low calorie, I can always drink hot cocoa or milk tea or plain milk or eat extra fruit.
1 nectarine, string cheese, hot cocoa, and open-faced PBJ (100+60+200+250=610)
bringing my daily total up to 2470. Not good. Can't get back into that "fuck it" mentality.
God damn munchies. If I'd realized earlier I was going to toke today, I would've eaten less early in the day. Tomorrow is Monday though and I channeled the remainder of my munchies into planning all my pre-dinner food for tomorrow. It will add up to about 1000 before dinner, and if dinner is TOO low calorie, I can always drink hot cocoa or milk tea or plain milk or eat extra fruit.
More DATA!
Just took my measurements:
Waist: 34"
Hips: 43"
Both were 2" less when I weighed 165, and my waist has gone as low as 30". Let's say I'll have a goal of 29"/40" - one inch less than the lowest I can remember measuring on each.
I still weigh 178 today, so it looks like I've dropped out of the obesity range. I have been working out for about two weeks, which is about how long it usually takes to start seeing results - so it shouldn't take long for things to get rolling.
Calorie report:
Bagel with cream cheese and 1 apple (230+100+100=430)
Tea and shortbread cookies (0+100=100)
3 egg bell pepper omelette and 1 string cheese (210+50+50+60=370)
Tortilla and feta cheese (150+100=250)
Milk and string cheese (150+60=210)
And I believe we're having pasta casserole for dinner, of which I think 500 calories will be a reasonable serving.
430+100+370+250+210+500=1860
Not a great day but I gave myself a bit of a pass after my extreme tiredness earlier. I'll probably be back under 1800 tomorrow.
Waist: 34"
Hips: 43"
Both were 2" less when I weighed 165, and my waist has gone as low as 30". Let's say I'll have a goal of 29"/40" - one inch less than the lowest I can remember measuring on each.
I still weigh 178 today, so it looks like I've dropped out of the obesity range. I have been working out for about two weeks, which is about how long it usually takes to start seeing results - so it shouldn't take long for things to get rolling.
Calorie report:
Bagel with cream cheese and 1 apple (230+100+100=430)
Tea and shortbread cookies (0+100=100)
3 egg bell pepper omelette and 1 string cheese (210+50+50+60=370)
Tortilla and feta cheese (150+100=250)
Milk and string cheese (150+60=210)
And I believe we're having pasta casserole for dinner, of which I think 500 calories will be a reasonable serving.
430+100+370+250+210+500=1860
Not a great day but I gave myself a bit of a pass after my extreme tiredness earlier. I'll probably be back under 1800 tomorrow.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Soooo tired
Last night and today I was just exhausted. I don't know if I've been restricting too much, or if it's just that my period is going on longer than usual (thank you Paragard) or even something unrelated. I went for an outdoor run, and it was terrible. I've been using the treadmill all winter, and I used to run on tracks anyway so this downhill first, then uphill just killed me. Also, it was one of the first hot days of the year so I thought cold air wouldn't be a problem, but I was wrong. I didn't get the ear-jaw-freeze headache, but my throat got a bit chilled. Anyway, I think sub-1700 might just have been pushing it too far because after I ate some extra fruit after dinner tonight, I feel like my fortitude is returning.
Today's food:
1/2 breakfast plate of scramble, potatoes, and toast (500)
Blueberry pie and milk (300+150=450)
Crackers (100)
Tortilla chips (50)
String cheese (60)
Breakfast leftovers (500)
4 kumquats, 1 honey stick and 1 peach (50+20+100=170)
500+450+100+50+60+500+170=1830
Today's food:
1/2 breakfast plate of scramble, potatoes, and toast (500)
Blueberry pie and milk (300+150=450)
Crackers (100)
Tortilla chips (50)
String cheese (60)
Breakfast leftovers (500)
4 kumquats, 1 honey stick and 1 peach (50+20+100=170)
500+450+100+50+60+500+170=1830
Unknown calories
I'm going out to breakfast, but the place doesn't seem to post nutrition facts online. The trouble is usually I eat a 300-400 calorie breakfast (I just don't need that much to get going at first) and a plate from these guys is probably around 1000. So I'll re-estimate when I order and see the food, and then I'll do the classic restaurant trick that I've never actually used before: get a to-go container BEFORE I start eating and put away half of it. That way I probably only eat about 500 cals for breakfast and then I'll have a ready to go meal for later and hopefully I get to the same point in my day where I usually am before I hit 1000.
Coffee is calorie-free though if I take it black, or not a big deal if I go easy on the cream. I plan to run later too. And my morning weight for today is 178 - not that that means much, of course, but we'll see how it varies over days and weeks. No harm in just checking up on it, and it's good to get morning values anyway (before eating, after the bathroom, in underwear) because they're the lightest.
Coffee is calorie-free though if I take it black, or not a big deal if I go easy on the cream. I plan to run later too. And my morning weight for today is 178 - not that that means much, of course, but we'll see how it varies over days and weeks. No harm in just checking up on it, and it's good to get morning values anyway (before eating, after the bathroom, in underwear) because they're the lightest.
Friday, June 11, 2010
First real business
Here we go: a calorie log for all this week.
Monday 6/7
1 toast, 2 eggs, and milk (100+2*70+150=390)
Cheese and veggie sandwich and apple (2*100+100+50+100=450)
Coffee/cocoa drink (200)
2 bowls beet soup, 1/4 loaf french bread, and 2 glasses wine (2*100+250+2*125=700)
390+450+200+700=1740
Tuesday 6/8
2 toast and yogurt (2*100+100=300)
Orange (100)
2 slices polenta pie and cold milk chai (2*175+350=700)
Banana (100)
Handful of crackers (50)
1.5 bowls potato beet soup and 1/3 loaf french bread (1.5*200+330=630)
300+100+700+100+50+630=1880
Wednesday 6/9
1 bowl cereal and 1 nectarine with cream (100+150+100+100=450)
Apple (100)
2 slices polenta pie (2*175=350)
Soda (150)
1 bowl potato beet soup, cheese, and crackers (200+300+200=700)
Hot cocoa (200)
450+100+350+150+700+200=1950
Thursday 6/10
Scrambled eggs in tortilla (150+150=300)
Milk (150)
1/2 PBJ sandwich and boiled egg (250+70=320)
1/2 PBJ sandwich (250)
1 piece pizza and 2 glasses wine (500+2*125=750)
300+150+320+250+750=1770
Friday 6/11
Banana milk chocolate protein shake (100+150+150=400)
1 piece pizza and coffee with a splash of milk (500+0+25=525)
1 yogurt (140)
Red beans 'n' rice dish, asparagus baked in oil, and 1 glass wine (200+150+125=475)
Peppermint milk (150)
400+525+140+475+150=1690
I was pretty surprised on Monday when I tallied up my calories, because I hadn't been trying to eat any particular amount. According to this website, 1740 calories would sustain a 130-pound sedentary person of my age and gender. So basically I said damn, I'll just make sure I keep eating that sort of amount and if I don't start losing weight, the next step is ask the doctor about thyroid conditions. I don't really think that's likely though, because if I had a metabolic problem I should get exhausted doing the activity I do.
That's the other thing that's annoying. These websites never tell you what qualifies as light, moderate, heavy activity. My desk job is sedentary, for sure, but I ride my bike to work and back (~2 miles each way) and use my lunch break to work out sometimes, pretty intensely. (Don't worry, I still eat, just do it at my desk when I come back.) On Tuesday and Thursday both I worked out, 10+ minutes on the treadmill and 10+ minutes on the elliptical, burning a total of 200-250 calories each day, but the machines calculate it for a 150-pound person so at this point I get a bonus of sorts. I could calibrate them for my real weight, but I'd rather just let them underestimate it and know I'm getting extra credit.
So I put in light activity and got that I need about 2100 cals to maintain 181. Between that, and the fact that my body never really wanted to be this heavy (fuck dorm food), I expect conservatively that I can lose 5 pounds a month, if I stick to it. From past experience I hope it will actually go faster, at least at the beginning, but we will see.
Monday 6/7
1 toast, 2 eggs, and milk (100+2*70+150=390)
Cheese and veggie sandwich and apple (2*100+100+50+100=450)
Coffee/cocoa drink (200)
2 bowls beet soup, 1/4 loaf french bread, and 2 glasses wine (2*100+250+2*125=700)
390+450+200+700=1740
Tuesday 6/8
2 toast and yogurt (2*100+100=300)
Orange (100)
2 slices polenta pie and cold milk chai (2*175+350=700)
Banana (100)
Handful of crackers (50)
1.5 bowls potato beet soup and 1/3 loaf french bread (1.5*200+330=630)
300+100+700+100+50+630=1880
Wednesday 6/9
1 bowl cereal and 1 nectarine with cream (100+150+100+100=450)
Apple (100)
2 slices polenta pie (2*175=350)
Soda (150)
1 bowl potato beet soup, cheese, and crackers (200+300+200=700)
Hot cocoa (200)
450+100+350+150+700+200=1950
Thursday 6/10
Scrambled eggs in tortilla (150+150=300)
Milk (150)
1/2 PBJ sandwich and boiled egg (250+70=320)
1/2 PBJ sandwich (250)
1 piece pizza and 2 glasses wine (500+2*125=750)
300+150+320+250+750=1770
Friday 6/11
Banana milk chocolate protein shake (100+150+150=400)
1 piece pizza and coffee with a splash of milk (500+0+25=525)
1 yogurt (140)
Red beans 'n' rice dish, asparagus baked in oil, and 1 glass wine (200+150+125=475)
Peppermint milk (150)
400+525+140+475+150=1690
I was pretty surprised on Monday when I tallied up my calories, because I hadn't been trying to eat any particular amount. According to this website, 1740 calories would sustain a 130-pound sedentary person of my age and gender. So basically I said damn, I'll just make sure I keep eating that sort of amount and if I don't start losing weight, the next step is ask the doctor about thyroid conditions. I don't really think that's likely though, because if I had a metabolic problem I should get exhausted doing the activity I do.
That's the other thing that's annoying. These websites never tell you what qualifies as light, moderate, heavy activity. My desk job is sedentary, for sure, but I ride my bike to work and back (~2 miles each way) and use my lunch break to work out sometimes, pretty intensely. (Don't worry, I still eat, just do it at my desk when I come back.) On Tuesday and Thursday both I worked out, 10+ minutes on the treadmill and 10+ minutes on the elliptical, burning a total of 200-250 calories each day, but the machines calculate it for a 150-pound person so at this point I get a bonus of sorts. I could calibrate them for my real weight, but I'd rather just let them underestimate it and know I'm getting extra credit.
So I put in light activity and got that I need about 2100 cals to maintain 181. Between that, and the fact that my body never really wanted to be this heavy (fuck dorm food), I expect conservatively that I can lose 5 pounds a month, if I stick to it. From past experience I hope it will actually go faster, at least at the beginning, but we will see.
Hello world
Hello people. I have no idea if I will get any readership, but I'd kinda like it, and if so, I'm sure you'd like to know what this is all about.
I love food too much to ever be anorexic, and I hate vomiting too much to ever be bulimic. I don't have an eating disorder, and I'm not pro-ED. But I'm strangely drawn in by pro-ana blogs, and I'd like to imitate their style. Why am I drawn in by pro-ana blogs if I don't have an ED and don't think I ever will? Probably the same reason that my favorite music is written by drug addicts singing about how they fail at life and everything sucks. Of course that's just a way of deflecting the question of what the reason IS, but at this point it's the best I've got. Anyway...
There will be things different from your typical pro-ana blog. For one thing, I'm actually overweight - obese, in fact, according to BMI standards. I am 5'5" and weigh 181 lbs as of a few minutes ago, which gives me a BMI of 30.1. Now I know there are caveats with BMI and I know that I carry my weight well, but at some point enough is enough. I've never been this heavy before, and I've never felt like I had "fat person" health issues. I decided enough was enough when I found that some sleeping positions made it hard to breathe adequately.
What will be like your typical pro-ana blog is the style and function. I will tally my calories every day, mention my workouts, and post my weight often (it will not have better precision than 1 pound). My daily calories will not be 0, they will not be 500, they will be more like 1800 - but overall, I could stand to be more obsessive about what I eat. Hopefully keeping this blog will make me feel accountable or at least make me more aware of when I'm letting my vigilance drop, because it will entail messing up this other thing.
I also rather like the fact that this blog will be a secret. I am Annika Q, a nothing name. I made my account with an email address I've been using as a spamdump for years. I will be secretly obsessive about my food. It's a strange idea I realize but somehow it works: I will be accountable to this blog to keep me on track, while keeping everyone I really know off my back. Unlike ED folks the trouble isn't people trying to get me to eat. It's people offering any sort of advice whatsoever about my weight loss venture. Whether it's people telling me my body looks healthy (ahem, officially obese), or saying I should eat salad or take a harder bike route to make up for missing a workout, I don't want to hear it. I want to show them all that I can do it without their help. And it'll be nice to have my own thing, something hidden, but best of all, something that isn't bad even though it feels thrilling, because I actually need it.
My minimal goal is 165 lbs., which is what I was before I moved into dorms for this past school year. (Fuck dorm food, it is the sole cause of the Freshman Fifteen as far as I'm concerned - I LOST weight without trying living on my own for the first time!) After that, I hope to push it down to 150, and my final goal is probably somewhere between 135-150. That'll put me in the normal BMI range, and lighter than I've been since 7th grade.
With all that said, let's get down to business.
I love food too much to ever be anorexic, and I hate vomiting too much to ever be bulimic. I don't have an eating disorder, and I'm not pro-ED. But I'm strangely drawn in by pro-ana blogs, and I'd like to imitate their style. Why am I drawn in by pro-ana blogs if I don't have an ED and don't think I ever will? Probably the same reason that my favorite music is written by drug addicts singing about how they fail at life and everything sucks. Of course that's just a way of deflecting the question of what the reason IS, but at this point it's the best I've got. Anyway...
There will be things different from your typical pro-ana blog. For one thing, I'm actually overweight - obese, in fact, according to BMI standards. I am 5'5" and weigh 181 lbs as of a few minutes ago, which gives me a BMI of 30.1. Now I know there are caveats with BMI and I know that I carry my weight well, but at some point enough is enough. I've never been this heavy before, and I've never felt like I had "fat person" health issues. I decided enough was enough when I found that some sleeping positions made it hard to breathe adequately.
What will be like your typical pro-ana blog is the style and function. I will tally my calories every day, mention my workouts, and post my weight often (it will not have better precision than 1 pound). My daily calories will not be 0, they will not be 500, they will be more like 1800 - but overall, I could stand to be more obsessive about what I eat. Hopefully keeping this blog will make me feel accountable or at least make me more aware of when I'm letting my vigilance drop, because it will entail messing up this other thing.
I also rather like the fact that this blog will be a secret. I am Annika Q, a nothing name. I made my account with an email address I've been using as a spamdump for years. I will be secretly obsessive about my food. It's a strange idea I realize but somehow it works: I will be accountable to this blog to keep me on track, while keeping everyone I really know off my back. Unlike ED folks the trouble isn't people trying to get me to eat. It's people offering any sort of advice whatsoever about my weight loss venture. Whether it's people telling me my body looks healthy (ahem, officially obese), or saying I should eat salad or take a harder bike route to make up for missing a workout, I don't want to hear it. I want to show them all that I can do it without their help. And it'll be nice to have my own thing, something hidden, but best of all, something that isn't bad even though it feels thrilling, because I actually need it.
My minimal goal is 165 lbs., which is what I was before I moved into dorms for this past school year. (Fuck dorm food, it is the sole cause of the Freshman Fifteen as far as I'm concerned - I LOST weight without trying living on my own for the first time!) After that, I hope to push it down to 150, and my final goal is probably somewhere between 135-150. That'll put me in the normal BMI range, and lighter than I've been since 7th grade.
With all that said, let's get down to business.
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