Apparently the sport center closes at 2 on Fridays during the summer, so I didn't get to lift weights today, but I still did some crunches and dips on a chair when I got home.
I had lunch with my mom today and she brought mezza. There were so many things, I knew I couldn't possibly tally the calories in my head as I went, so I just kept note of quantities and added it up afterward (that's why it's broken down even further than usual in the tally. I was a little apprehensive to see that it added up to 690 (I'd been estimating lunch at 500) but then I had two interesting experiences. Well, the first interesting experience was at lunch itself. My mom had brought 1/2 cup servings of rice pudding, and I had some because I wanted to try it and it was yummy, but I spontaneously said "y'know, I'm actually full" halfway through and put the lid back on. Interesting experience number two was that, after that big lunch, I didn't feel hungry for the other snacks I'd brought, so I was minus an anticipated apple and yogurt. Plus 190, minus 250. Good trade. I should get that yogurt out of my bag and put it in the fridge though...
Friday 6/18
Open face egg and cheese on toast and black coffee (100+100+70=270)
String cheese (60)
Mezza (690)
Flatbreads (150+120)
Feta cheese (100)
Olives (75)
Hummus (150)
Veggies (50)
Rice pudding (70)
1.5 bowls chicken noodle soup (1.5*300=450)
270+60+690+450=1470
Sad about the end of the chicken soup - I was looking forward to 2 bowls, but then again I shouldn't really complain about more calorie-ectomy. This is probably not the complete list for today though. The rice pudding gave me ideas, so I made vanilla pudding, only it didn't set up right, so I had to reheat it and add more cornstarch. It's still cooling in the freezer. If it does work out tonight, I'll have a 200-calorie serving of vanilla pudding, bringing me up to 1670, which is really quite low, but if I'm not uncomfortable, then better less than more.
Oh, and I'm 176 this morning. Wonder if it'll last...
You know, you're a sweetheart. I read your comment probably four or five times...and you're right. Mostly anyway. I do have an ED, and it's EDNOS. Most of my life (as you know from my blog) I ate more than anyone I knew. That included my previously 550 lbs father (he's down to 350 now though!!). When I was 8 I was a woman's size 8. I mean, my life revolved around food. Obsessively even. I would steal food even after stuffing to the gills. I went through yoyo dieting plummeting in weight and going right back up, even more. If you could see pictures from different points in my life you would be amazed.
ReplyDeleteYeah the bulimia stuff kinda grew from when I was younger. My entire family justified our overeating with laxitive teas. I went from that to abusing laxitives (pills, the tea always made me want to throw up just from the smell, and it tasted AWFUL), and then to purging and diuretics. I know it's bad...that's why I'm trying to stop that. Successful so far!!! I go running instead. Thirty minutes later I feel intensely better.
As for the intake, well, I probably can't go up to 1800. Definetely not 2000, but I can compromise: I'll do 900-1000cals a day. I know it's not what's normally recommended but it's the best I can do. Also because I just saw it in action. I ate about that much, ran for thirty minutes and did thirty minutes of strength training and I lost 3 lbs! Woo! So I can do that much. I would love to be a blogging buddy with you.
I know it sounds strange that I can't go over 1000cal, but I always feel like it's a downward spiral, a conditioned fear that I'll be That Girl again. The miserable one. I know sometimes I sound down on my blog, but most of the time I am upbeat and happy. I used to be depressed all the time because my looks were so out of whack. I would leave the house thinking I looked good and then I'd check at the end of the day and just see a fat girl. It's a novel feeling to like the way you look and then hate it a few hours later. Now if I think I look good in the morning I keep that up all day long! Yay!
I really like you though, thanks for leaving a comment that was non-accusatory or scathing. I've had people leave comments telling me I am stupid, and also called me a wannarexic which is funny because I never wanted to be anorexic. I just want to be thin. My ways just happen to mirror those of intense restricting. I'm always thinking: it's called EDNOS aholes. :)
I don't have an obsession with heavily protruding bones, though I wouldn't mind looking like Zoë Saldana. My GW is 125-130 and I want to be a size 4. Pretty much just above underweight. I want a vivacious life, I wanna be happy. To me that's what pro-ana always meant. That you don't have to be deathly skinny. Most of the girls on blogger aren't hardcores (well at least the ones I deal with). We're normally EDNOS and just want to be skinny, we don't want to die. There's no use to being thin if you can't enjoy it!
I know this is really long but I really wanted to let you know that your comment was appreciated and heard loud and clear. Btw, you're doing awesome and keep up the good work!!!
XOXO,
Scarlet<3
PS: thank you for taking the time to read my entire blog, few people actually do! I write a lot and I think they burn out. Gold stars for making it to the current entries!!!