Who knew breaking 2000 would be hard?

The vanilla pudding tasted like frosting and had the consistency of yogurt. I didn't want to eat my whole serving so I had half, added 30 calories for tasting it while it was cooking (arbitrary really, just a convenient number) and had a string cheese bringing me up to 1660 for yesterday (damn yo). It's even grosser after sitting in the fridge all night - looks like flubber. Hopefully my boyfriend will eat it as he didn't seem to mind.

Today we went out for breakfast so I decided to make it my metabolic booster day. First I will show the numbers:

Breakfast out (690)
Salmon and brie quiche (500)
Green salad with vinaigrette (50)
2 cups coffee with cream and sugar (120)
1 Andes mint (20)
2 dried fruit bars (2*50=100)
Bread and milk (150+100=250)
1.5 plates stir fry (1.5*600=900)
1/2 ice cream cup with extra cream (180+100=280)

690+100+250+900+280=2220

Holy shit 700 calorie breakfast. I didn't feel like I was stuffing myself at the time (French food is compact y'know) but as we left it started hitting me and I felt bogged down for hours. Then, funny sort of trade happened. We took the bus out to get b/f a dress shirt in the meantime. As we were on our way back, I wasn't terribly hungry but needed a blood sugar boost so my plan was to have an apple when we got home, then go down to the track and run. However, our bus transfers expired before the second bus back, so b/f convinced me to walk the rest of the way and he'd get me some fruit bars. So I traded an apple for fruit bars, and running for walking. Normally I wouldn't count walking, but it was 2.3 miles, probably further than I was going to run, so it seems worth mentioning. It counts as a reason not to run (tired feet), but not as something I need a rest day from, so I'm calling this my rest day for the week as well.

Anyway, then we ate dinner and wow that filled me up. And it was actually a little distasteful. My b/f, skinny bastard, says eating too much makes him feel sick, and I never understood it, but I kinda get it now, and I think it's good that I'm developing that capacity. Still, this only brought me to 1940 (WTF I'm thinking) and so I happily agreed to smoke some pot with our movie and afterwards had the ice cream. There's never a time I don't feel like ice cream.

Weight back at 177, waist down to 33", hips still 43".

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Scarlet: I'm glad you took my message to heart. I have a few tips for you:

- I understand that you're not ready to try eating normally right away, but it's generally accepted that under 1200 calories for a woman is starvation and leads to major metabolic shutdown. Do try to meet that at least on your "booster" days.

- Eat breakfast. No matter how many calories you're eating, it's beneficial to eat the greater part of them earlier in the day. I notice, and I think this is a very common ED tactic, that sometimes you fast until a certain point in the day or as long as you can stand and then eat later. This the least effective way to get your food burned off. Also, eat protein with breakfast. It's an important nutrient, will keep you full relatively longer than carbs, and will release sugar into your blood smoothly rather than in a spike.

- When you move out and buy your own food you will have much more control over what you eat and what is available for eating. You will also be able to explore at your leisure what works best for your body. I have been out of my parents' house for two years now and between the three living situations I have had (parents, dorms, and buying my own food) the self-directed approach has worked by far the best. My parents were actually somewhat of health nuts, but I think this made me crave the forbidden fruit, and also my body just doesn't work ideally on their kind of diet (actual or idealized). Dorms are problematic because portions, good or bad, are one-size-fits-all and I don't make the food. Being by myself, I've learned that bread and milk are delightful staples that my body loves, I can eat less or more as I see fit, and I get enjoyment out of preparing food as well as eating it. Also, I can't just decide I feel like a brownie and have one in 3 minutes.

- You may be interested in this essay.